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Oneliners from the pen of the WebShowcase Puzzlemaster and our site Visitors - Page 7

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Oneliners - Miscellaneous

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   I know lightning is 'lightning fast', but would it be quicker still if it didn't zigzag?

   782.55 = The number of the beast + VAT.

   Just think how much deeper the oceans would be if all the sponges moved out!

   On average, how many teeth does it take to make a tube of toothpaste?

   Okay, I give up, so what's the speed of dark?

   During my entire childhood I remember my mother serving up nothing but leftovers. No one ever found out who had the original meal.

   Synonyms: Words you use in place of the ones you can't spell.

   I know it's wrong to spread rumours, but what else can you do with them?

   People will believe anything if you whisper it to them.

   Stress: That moment when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

   Why do they put 'take as needed' labels on medicine bottles? Surely if you didn't need them, you wouldn't be taking them!

   Everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end.

   A committee is a group that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

   Let a little anger drain away every day instead of it exploding all at once.

   Why do people think it'll work if they press harder on a remote control when the battery is dead?

   I gave up drugs because I can get the same effect more cheaply if I stand up really, really fast.

   If everything is going well, you've obviously overlooked something.

   I know money talks, but why does it always have to say, "goodbye"??

   The grass is only greener on the other side of the fence because it needs mowing.

   Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard and hair down to his waist?

   Why are they called "hemorrhoids". Shouldn't they be called "asteroids"?

   Don't judge a book by its movie.

   You know talk is cheap, barbers give it away free with haircuts.

   A celebrity is someone who yearns for fame and then walks around in sunglasses so we won't recognise them.

   Why is Duct Tape like the Force? It has a light side, a dark side and it holds the universe together.

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