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Oneliners from the pen of the WebShowcase Puzzlemaster and our site Visitors - Page 9

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Oneliners - Politics

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   Grow dope legally; plant a politician today.

   Just because you're not paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

   Deja Moo: That feeling you get when you know you've heard this bull before.

   Dear Inland Revenue, please cancel my subscription.

   I'd love the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

   I used to think political jokes were funny 'till so many of them got elected.

   The biggest problem with politicians is, those people best suited for the job want it the least, and vice versa.

   Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they're in charge of everything outside?

   I wish someone would tell politicians, there is no such thing as government money, only taxpayer money.

   Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie!" till you can find a big stone.

   Don't vote, it just encourages them.

   We're heading for a recession, that's when we go without things our grandparents never even heard of.

   Never was a name more appropriate than politics. Poly means many, and tics are blood sucking creatures.

   You can't blame parliament really. If you had 50 billion to play with, you'd be irresponsible too.

   A government which robs the poor to give to the rich can always count on the support of the rich.

   A politician will stand for whatever he thinks the people will fall for.

   Why can everyone remember what they were doing when someone famous is killed? Do they think they're going to need an alibi?

   The economy depends as much on economists as the weather does on the Met Office.

   Politician, "Are these new super missiles accurate?" Arms dealer, "Yes, they always hit the ground."

   We all like to vote for the best man, but he's never on the ballot paper.

   Wouldn't it feel strange if schools had all the money they needed and the navy had to have a jumble sale to buy a new aircraft carrier?

   If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or not, try not paying your next council tax bill.

   Only a politician will list their principles, then, if you don't like them, suddenly come up with some new ones.

   A true Diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and you'll look forward to it.

   The trouble with the UK economy? There are far more ways to get into debt than there are to get out of it.

   How come it's called a tax return when they have no intention of returning any of it?

   Why is the phrase "It's none of my business" invariably followed by "but....?"

   You don't win a war by dying for your country. You win a war by making the other S.O.B. die for his. - General Patton

   What is an honest politician? One who having been bought once, stays bought.

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