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Oneliners from the pen of the WebShowcase Puzzlemaster and our site Visitors - Page 12

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Oneliners - Social

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   Haven't we got enough laws? Couldn't we pass a law making it illegal to pass any more laws?

   We just got skylights put in our house, the people upstairs are mad as hell!

   Humankind will never advance further up the evolutionary ladder until we learn to make a convincing toupee!

   I know everyone has a photographic memory. It's just that some have much smaller SmartMedia cards than others.

   Occasionally I feel like venting my anger. Does anyone know where I can get hold of a stealth bomber?

   Everybody is someone else's weirdo.

   If you were paid 1 for every kind word and had to pay out 50p for every unkind word, would you be rich or poor?

   Sign outside an opticians: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

   Who needs science fiction when right here and now is the craziest place in the universe?

   Remember the Golden Rule: He who has the gold makes the rules.

   There are always two ways to complete a task, my way and the right way.

   The only thing you HAVE to do is breathe; Everything else is optional.

   If time heals all wounds, how come our belly button never heals over?

   How come Mystic Meg has never won the Lottery?

   Write your injuries in the sand and your kindnesses in granite.

   If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

   There is always someone worse off than you. If you can't pay your bills one of them will be your creditors.

   Why do we celebrate Christmas when that is the one day in the year when all the pubs are shut?

   Don't drink to drown your sorrows, sorrows know how to swim.

   Ulcers aren't caused by what we eat but by what's eating us.

   Look after your character and your reputation will look after itself.

   You wouldn't care what people thought if you knew how seldom they do!

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