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Oneliners from the pen of the WebShowcase Puzzlemaster and our site Visitors - Page 16

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Oneliners - Work

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   If you went that extra mile at work, would your boss send someone to bring you back?

   Don't you find it frightening that doctors call what they do a "practice?"

   The police must be doing a brilliant job; prisons never advertise vacancies.

   Where do park rangers go to get away from it all? The nearest city centre?

   Just who is this amateur cameraman who shows up at every major disaster around the world?

   The reason it's called 'Take home pay' is because most of us are too embarassed to take it anywhere else.

   Work is the greatest thing ever, so save some for tomorrow.

   A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station and is where the........

   Has it occured to you that for 1/7th of your life you have to put up with that awful thing called...Monday?

   If you choose a job you love, you'll never have to work a day in your life.

   It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

   Why do they put those 'wet floor' signs in all the corridors. I bet they'd be mad as hell if I did!

   CRY!...What you do when your child comes in and says, 'Daddy, what does Formatting Drive C mean?'

   A Taxpayer is someone who works for the government even if they don't know it.

   Isn't it funny how people are never too busy to stop and tell you all the work they have to do.

   Could deep sea diving be classed as a high pressure job?

   Why is it that the less important your job of work is the more fuss they make if you're absent or late?

   Success is just a matter of luck; ask any failure.

   The trouble with getting it right first time is nobody appreciates how hard it was.

   The only person who could get all his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.

   Do Tetley employees take coffee breaks?

   Whenever I think I've hit rock bottom, someone hands me a pick axe.

   Which do you do? Wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord." Or, wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning?"

   Why is it that beautiful documents, perfectly formed in the office, suddenly develop the most appalling mistakes in the post?

   Remember kites rise against, not with the wind.

   The definition of a modern office? Hell with flourescent lighting.

   You can survive on charm and flattery for about 5 minutes, after that you'd better know something!

   Isn't it funny how bosses are always talking about improving productivity, but never their own?

   Printers have three main parts: An empty cartridge, the jammed paper tray and a blinking red light.

   That Tipex stuff is brilliant when you make a mistake, but it's a devil of a job getting it off your computer screen.

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